An often asked question by unhappy married persons essentially asks. Is there really some marriages that are happy ones? Happy marriages occur when two people provide for the reasonable needs of their spouse in an understanding way. They do it cause it’s a special gesture that they would not ordinarily do for others but for their spouse they are willing to take the leap. They want to fulfill a need and they want mutuality.
They encourage, appreciate, celebrate and argue but have learned to agree to disagree a good deal of the time. They soothe, touch, hug and create an inviting space to be in not one to run away from.
Not so easy but hey some marriage s figure it out.
Some are modeled after their family non-role models and that drags your marriage down into a place that’s familiar but not what or where you want your marriage to be .
Some of marriage has to be a creation fashioned by the two of you. It comes about from a bit of conflict turned into a new mutual vision for your marriage. One that bares your marriages unique stamp on it. Not your family. Not your friends. But intimately your creation.The unique creation that wouldn’t have happened if the two of you hadn’t crafted it into the saga of the evolution of your special marriage connection.
Please stop by to pick up some informative FREE guides to help your marriage flourish and soar.
Time moving along and you find yourselves in the same unhappy marital place. You’re together but really far apart. It’s hard to spend time together when you’re fighting or not getting any of your needs met. In fact it really sucks!
Get yourselves out of that marital quicksand. You both know you weren’t always there. You had a life where you really cared about your lover and friend. So do anything you possibly can to move your marriage to a simpler place. Let’s do something tonight honey …….Let’s take a discovery drive somewhere we haven’t been. It will be fun and a lot better than running away from each other in the house every day for what seems like forever
So what’s the point here about unhappy marriages that just languish in the status quo…… you know same old same old day to week to month to years. Someone has to take the bull by the horn and pull or push your current situation to a new one. It’s a lot easier to do nothing but if you do nothing you will have nothing.
Get out and do one thing. Do something for your partner that you know makes them happy. Vacuum the house get some ice-cream….but please for the sake of each other just do something together. This is definitely worth the effort you two.
By the way you are not alone and most couples need a pull or a push to shake off the stagnant way of life they’ve been conducting.
So from me to you….. here is a kind gentle but swift Pull & Push to get you off your pessimistic frame of mind into one that might just move your marriage forward.
To Your Happier Marriage!
Zev’s Raw Marriage Zone#RechargeYourMarriage
Infidelity cheating it happens. Listen to the songs and you’ll know it happens a lot. It happens because of boredom, opportunity, anger, close proximity, the internet and but it involves breaking trust with someone who believes in that trust. With trust gone a relationship is in real trouble and the consequences can be explosive. People can get over this breach in a relationship but with other people’s opinions in your ear mixed with resentment sometimes the relationship is just over done Finito. If you’re worried about it or it’s already happened listen to yourself first find out if there is room for renewal. If there is OK and if there’s not OK. Finally if you do choose to try again and forgive it’s naturally OK to be furiously angry. Look you were just stung in the most vulnerable place by the person you trust most. But try not to spend your life punishing your spouse. The relationship will be unfulfilling. Getting over an affair is a process that takes time but at some point you need to let go and move on with life.
Watch Infidelity episode#22 On “The Raw marriage Show” Here’s the link
So we get married and all the image layers come peeling off. We’re in close quarters and what could be intimate in our marriages falls victim to real life. Early on we get used to comments insults and reactions. He use to be so sensitive and hear what I have to say. She used to be so affectionate now I can’t get close. why does he always do this when we are having sex. Why does she always say the wrong thing at the wrong time…’That tickles do it this way.
With each new encounter first month to 30 years comes new reactions that come to be expected. We teach each other who we are and what we can expect. We file these reactions and this all comes together in formulating our marital expectations.
We communicate and without even knowing we’re turning our spouses off. We’re human we get use to things. I can’t talk to her when she’s and he does this when he is pressured. Soon our day to day lives are running on automatic pilot. Hurt and needs go unnoticed and we become insensitive. Some of us become our parents marriages.
So what to do. A little reality check-in might be in order…you know honey why is it that we act the way we do. This really turns me off when you do this and I get so mad and frustrate. I don’t want to be that way. Can you be a little more considerate and not so punitive.
Hey you two roll up those sleeves and tackle some of this marital inertia by looking at your behavior and standing in your spouse’s shoes. Extinguish some of the turn offs and you’ll open the door for a more understanding marriage with less friction and a smoother happier relationship will have the room to emerge.
Human touch is a powerful connection. Think back to days of infatuation and longing when the object of your desire drove you to attempt some type of physical connection. You held hands or embraced kissed and the biggest charge feeling your bodies close hungry touch.
Well what happened to all that excitement? Oh you got married and it stopped you had kids and it stopped. You fight all the time now and you’ve lost that feeling like the songs say. Well there is good news and other news. The good is you can get some of it back.The challenging news is you have to find a way to connect with touch right in the eye of the marital storm.
How do we do that Zev? Well here are two possibilities. If you really can’t muster the feeling or too mad and pissed . Just use an inexpensive plastic pronged massager and just make nice. Or as I discovered last week reach out and touch. Give a massage to your partner. Just focus on hands touching skin. I offered a massage and got an emphatic yes. As I was doing this back massage I realized how good it felt to just touch her back relieve some pain but it was the touch concentrated on Fingers hands to back. I got lost in the touch forgot about marriage tension and instead of being a caring and giving chore it turned out to be a wake-up call to me for the need for this kind of massage touch .
So whether its foreplay or just spontaneous touch there is something to get for the giver as well as the receiver. Human touch read up on it. Everybody needs it and responds to it in a special way. If your feeling pushed away you might offer a hand and what you get in return might just surprise the hell out of you.
Love those comments.
Check out “The Raw Marriage TV Show”