Marriage Politics
Are you savvy in Marriage Politics? Marriage isn’t political you say. Posturing, maneuvering, lobbying and manipulating are just some of the features we employ knowingly or not throughout our marriages. Politics isn’t bad …it just is. And it most certainly finds its way into most marriages.
When partners understand the politics of their marriage it can relieve much tension from spouses who really want to communicate their needs to their spouses. You don’t have to always agree on the basic tenets of what you feel, it’s just healthy for your message to be heard. Then marriage can really be a two way productive enterprise rather than a stagnant competitive and argumentative grind.
Marital politics should not be aimed at getting back at your spouse but are sometimes used to manipulate a spouse. When that’s the case a person has to be called to the carpet on the use of negative tactics and intentions. Yes that does take mustering some courage and fine tuning your messaging savvy.
When employed appropriately within the context of a caring collaborative relationship, political tactics and approaches can be employed effectively to get a point noticed or to outline an agenda for a happier closer marriage.
How you ask…… well through a flexible non rigid give and take policy and in the context of love and friendship. The message could be feelings which express fundamental relationship issues to the more mundane home decorating choices such as……..I like our relationship better this way….I feel safer with you under these conscious conditions……….I like blue for the kitchen…………I want the lights on when we’re having sex. Using mutually beneficial political tactics can mean I feel better that you understand my needs and let’s try to use approaches that draw us together rather than push us away and apart..
So get with your spouse. Do a little verbal surveying to see how the politics works in your relationship.Define the politics of your marriage for each other and you‘ll experience a more informed and conscious relationship.
Stay tuned for new episodes of “Recharge your Marriage” show with some stimulating surprises. You can find them youtube.com/closermarriage
Download the “Recharge your Marriage” Guide for him and her Free on the Closermarriage.com homepage.
ZEV
Create Intimate Anticipation
If we could buy a product that would instantaneously create intimate anticipation, there would be a lot more happy married couples making love at all hours of the day. ( erectile dysfunction meds sometime have a one sided interest surge.)
But anticipation is a magical ingredient in love making and in life. The car or satisfaction over getting it……. is never quite as good without the anticipation. Couples who succeed in manufacturing their special brand of anticipation have more romantic encounters with each other. Couples who don’t are confronted by enough sexual stimuli out there in life or right on the boob tube or cyber world to anticipate and consummate sexual encounters for one. Others wait for the special occasions or vacation sex that for some appears enough.
Please you be the judge of what you want… what your getting or not. Consider a collaboration…… a two is better than one proposition to put together some kind of built in anticipation to trigger an intimate encounter with each other. Hey go for it if you both want to go all the way but it doesn’t always have to end in the big event. Just try to put something together that creates some anticipation and fulfills a bit of both your needs. Something that works for you both.
Then lay back, cuddle up and get back to life truly enhanced.
Try imagining a few months of that as it wouldn’t be to hard to imagine it improving other aspects of your life.
So what do you two want? Try to arrange the variables of your marriage even a little to prioritize and serve up some anticipatory intimate moments of your unique relationship infused with your flavors and preferences.
Break ground on your private intimate moments factory as your product yield will give you years of ecstasy and pleasure.
Encourage and value your input.
ZEV
Talking About Sex to Recharge and Relight the Flame in Your Marriage Sex Life
Communication in marriage has been known to be a challenging activity. Having the difficult conversations raises the ante and risk for harsh fighting . But perhaps one of the most difficult conversations married people have is about Sex. We all want to have earth shattering cataclysmic great sex. Many time bringing up sex with your spouse is a recipe for hurt feelings, bruised egos and arguments. However. the fact remains if we want to have fulfilling sex which gratifies our marriage and ourselves personally, we have to be able to talk about sex with our spouses .
So let’s get down to business here. If your spouse has been faking satisfaction or you have, it might be a good time to talk about how each of you could do the special sensual touch things that would make your marital sex climb to higher heights.
We would all understand why you wouldn’t want to rock the boat. At least you’re having sex so why ruin it with a bunch of conversation. I could not agree more, you don’t want to do something that could jeopardize the sex you get in your marriage. Then you would have to join the line at the water cooler of married person who are not getting any. That would really be counterproductive.
Fact is many people have their taboo topics in their marriages which is a strong disincentive to just leave well enough alone. Some example are not having an orgasm, wanting a change in positions, talking about your fantasies, room lighting and so many more can keep a couple from even thinking about talking let alone having a conversation about sex.
But hold everything now! Your sex life has fallen into numbness because your not having any and you therefore have a choice . To talk or not to talk. Not talking will feel safe but your sex life will continue to diminish. Talking about it might be the magic that keeps sex alive in your marriage.
So your sex life has diminished for a while. Perhaps it’s time to crank the matter up again. Sometimes your clothes need a tailor and your car a tune up. Well when your sex life is low to no and in need of repairs, it takes courage to have conversations about sex but you really can do it and then you might be doing more of it.
It’s time to start thinking about what you say to your love partner. How you to let someone know something like Honey this is what I like or this make me feel good has a good deal to do with the outcome of your very special and courageous attempt.
In fact, it wouldn’t hurt to explore your own sexual playground and set it up like an experiment. The only experiment that has ever failed is the one you have not tried. Explore the ambiance for mood and definitely explore your grooming and dress. Most importantly either explore your own body as you may already have when feeling a bit Randy which is a great way to know what feels good. Another way is let your partner help you find the special places that work for you.
Here’s one more important thing. Some people like to talk in nice words like Let’s Make Love that just does it for them like fireworks. Others you might be surprised to find out love to hear it raw like Let’s F—. or Yes do it harder that way. I mention this to be honest and realistic about human beings males and females because as you know we think and fantasize about the wildest things. Even more crucial is exploration and play because it’s really good to know and maybe even fun to find out so we can make IT happen for the people we love.
There are books and blogs which can help you get started in how to talk about sex and that would be a good first move to get informed about a problem you’re having just to get some background.
In this article we’ve spoken about sex and intimacy, for more CLICK HERE to find out the ONE sentence you can use to get the intimacy BACK marriage today (even if you’ve been married more than 10 years)!
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Another edu-taining, informative and edgy episode of Recharge Your Marriage with host Zev Halpern. Marriage Tips, Improv actors and special guests Nadya and John Melton.
Recharge Your Marriage TV Show eps.# 10
Another edgy “Recharge Your Marriage Show’ with Host Zev Halpern. Free gift…..Information you can use for your marriage….Improv actors…..and special guests. Check out Closer marriage .com for more